It’s always shocking when someone passes away—whether a loved one, a community member, or even just a familiar face. There’s this disbelief that comes over me, and my brain immediately clings to the last interaction I had with them. I just saw them at the post office. They were just in my shop last week.We just talked about having coffee.
In the age of social media, it’s even more bizarre. They just liked my post. We were just messaging.They just shared something funny. Somehow, the digital closeness makes the loss feel even more surreal. There’s something about that recent connection—whether it was a smile or a comment on a photo—that makes the news of someone’s passing feel absolutely impossible. Like it can’t be true. Like they must still be here, because you just interacted with them.
My brain struggles to accept it, or perhaps it’s my heart. When it’s someone I haven’t seen in years, the sadness is still there, but it is buffered by time. But when the connection was recent—or frequent—it’s as if the mind refuses to believe they’re gone. The interaction was too fresh, too alive.
Social media has made this even more complicated. It’s a beautiful tool in so many ways… it lets us stay connected with people we wouldn’t otherwise see, family that lives far away, old friends from other chapters of our lives. You can have a “virtual friendship” where you constantly laugh at each other’s posts, cheer each other on, and build a little bond through comments and shares. And strangely, sometimes those online connections feel just as real—if not more real—than some of the ones we have in person.
Other times, it’s the opposite. You can feel close to someone in real life, but then see a completely different version of them online that makes you pause. Sometimes it deepens the connection, sometimes it unravels it.
No matter how we know someone—online or in person—when they pass, it leaves a hole. And when that last interaction is recent, especially in the digital world, it makes it even harder to process. How can someone be gone when their presence still lingers in my notifications?
Social media can be strange and yet it also can be deeply meaningful. I’m grateful for the connections it allows, even when they’re fleeting. And I’m reminded that every interaction—online or in person—carries weight. What you say, what you type… it matters. So maybe the best we can do is be present in our interactions, love our people well, be kind and hold space for the reality of being human.